Remember How Much that Sucked?

 Remember How Much that Sucked?

By Slim Jim the Flight Risk

I’m about to type a sentence that for the majority of the last decade, I feared that I would never be able to type…

The New York Jets could actually be good.

We’re only a couple of weeks removed from the NFL Draft in Las Vegas, and the consensus is clear – New York killed it. Joe Douglas followed up his strong 2021 draft (Zach Wilson, AVT, Elijah Moore, Michael Carter squared) by putting on an absolute clinic in the streets of Sin City. The golden boy of 1 Jets Drive utilized his plethora of draft capital to snag the CB1, WR1, EDGE3, and RB1 on the majority of draft experts’ boards – all within the first 36 picks of the draft. He then went on to grab a top-tier TE prospect, a solid OL depth piece, and another potential starting edge who also happens to be one of the largest men I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

It’s fair to say this isn’t just blind hope caused by my Jets fandom, either. Analysts and TV personalities from all of the major networks are praising this draft class, with some even going as far as to say that (on paper) it’s one of the best classes in recent memory. Now of course, the games still have to be played. Sauce needs to be the lockdown corner that we’ve longed for since Revis, Garrett Wilson needs to be the explosive WR1 that Zach desperately needed last year, and Jermaine Johnson has to be the game-changing pass rusher that all of the elite teams in the NFL boast. But for now, I’m going to enjoy this. The Jets have quickly gone from the dumpster fire that we all know and regrettably love to a somewhat respected team. It’s a nice change of pace to say the least.

So, with optimism at an all-time high and positive vibes radiating, I thought it would be a good time to reminisce on the some of the more ridiculous Jets moments of the last decade. Typically, I prefer to suppress these memories as low as they can possibly go in the confines of my mind, sandwiched between childhood trauma and that one time I decided to order a steak at Applebee’s. But with the team on an upward trend and confidence surging, I thought a little trip down memory lane would be a nice reminder of just how better the outlook is today for the green and white.

Geno Smith Getting Punched by His Own Teammate. Remember how much that sucked? This took the embarrassment of being a Jets fan to a whole new level. In my mind, it’s very comparable to the Butt Fumble (which I’m excluding from this list since it’s been incredibly overplayed and if I see that clip one more time on ESPN I am going to drive to Bristol, CT, and cut off their power) because it’s a level of dysfunction and circus-like madness that only the Jets can entertain. In fact, it’s almost more ridiculous than the Butt Fumble because it didn’t even happen on the football field. In August of 2015, a no-name reserve linebacker, IK Enemkpali, punched Geno Smith in the face because he owed him $600. Yes, $600. IK punched him so hard that Geno broke his jaw. In hindsight, this was good for the Jets’ performance on the field as Geno was replaced by Ryan Fitzpatrick, who went on to break the Jets single season record for TD passes that year (31, which is a very sad franchise record). But nevertheless, the original news breaking of “Jets Starting QB Decked by Own Teammate” will go down as one of the more humiliating moments in franchise history. Morale of the story here though is always pay your debts. I’m sure if Geno knew IK was a “break your jaw” type of guy, he would’ve coughed up that $600 much sooner.

 

Christian Hackenberg. Remember how much that sucked? What even was that? The Jets drafted Christian in the second round of the 2016 draft, and he immediately filled that pivotal QB4 spot that the team so desperately needed. Seriously. QB4. Ryan Fitzpatrick, Geno Smith, and BRYCE PETTY were ahead of our second round pick on the depth chart. Also, fun stat – Christian is only the third QB selected in the first or second round since 1967 to not play a game in his first two seasons. Matter of fact, Christian doubled down and didn’t play a game in any season of his NFL career. Coming off a successful 10-6 year in which the Jets finished 2nd in the AFC East, we thought a fourth string QB would be what moved the needle and got us over the hump. What a move. Shockingly, we ended up going 5-11. 

Christian now spends his time as a volunteer assistant coach at Winslow Township Middle School in Atco, NJ. Important to note that he did not get the OC job. Here he is throwing a pass at Winslow:

Still got it.

 

Drafting Two Safeties in the First Two Rounds in 2017. Remember how much that sucked? Kyle Hamilton was arguably the best player in this year’s draft class and he got picked 14th overall because he plays one of the least important positions in football. Go back in time 5 years and not only did we draft one in the top 6 picks of the draft (thanks for the leveling the Patriots’ mascot at a pro bowl, Jamal), but we circled back in the early second round and snagged another one. Keep in mind, this was coming off of the 5-11 season in which Christian held down the fort at QB4. So after finishing 6 games below .500, the Jets decided to load up on a position that only the best teams in the NFL can afford to spend early draft capital on. In other words, it’s like getting a fresh paint job and leather seats installed into your 2008 Hyundai Elantra.

 

Mike Maccagnan Drinking a Million Cups of Coffee per Day. Remember how awesome that was? This did not suck at all. Guy guzzled Dunkin’ like it was his job. In fact, he was arguably significantly better at drinking coffee than his actual job (see: Christian Hackenberg). He claimed that he only drank “6-8” per day, but I’m calling B.S. Look at this picture below. I’m seeing at LEAST 15. And I can’t imagine he’s leaving empties on his desk from previous days, right? Or maybe he is. I don’t know. Nothing made sense back then (see: Christian Hackenberg).